


Louder Than The Storm

by all_stories_are_truth_and_lies



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: AU canon, Alec Lightwood Feels, Alec Lightwood-centric, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bottom Alec Lightwood, Bottom Magnus Bane, Boyfriends, Fluff and Smut, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt Magnus Bane, Insecure Alec Lightwood, Insecure Magnus Bane, Isabelle Lightwood Ships Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Love, Lust, M/M, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood Fluff, Malec, Malec Angst, Malec Love, Malec Sex, Malex, Sex, Shadowhunters 2x20, Top Alec Lightwood, Top Magnus Bane, alec lightwood - Freeform, magnus bane - Freeform, malec happiness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2018-02-18
Packaged: 2019-02-08 04:35:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 18,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12856851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_stories_are_truth_and_lies/pseuds/all_stories_are_truth_and_lies
Summary: Alec raised the beer to his lips, the bottle hovering in place for a moment. He didn’t want to share a drink with Magnus, or make small talk about demons and their victory like the crowd that surrounded them, acting as though they were nothing more than allies. Alec took a deep breath and realised this was his moment, his chance, possibly his last, to fix what was broken between them. Eyes still fixed on Magnus Alec slowly lowered his bottle, hands moving behind his back to steady himself.‘Can we talk?’ was all he said.......................................................................................................................................................Continuation of the near perfect final Malec scene of 2x20 - what happens after Magnus and Alec leave the alley...Love, Lust and of course Malec Angst to follow.Semi-follow up to my story "Silent Truth" which is a 2A AU-Canon story. More details in the Author Notes.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a sort of follow up story to my other Malec fic "Silent Truth" but you don't need to have read that for this. I had intended to do an official sequel/continuation with a similar companion piece to 2B however 2B was pretty awesome in my opinion and there weren't too many gaps for me to fill. 
> 
> However as part of my coping mechanisms of dealing with the horrendous wait until April I have of course been re-watching S2 and just could not get rid of this little idea floating around in my head after the finale 2x20 Malec reunion scene.
> 
> Anyone who has read my other fics will now I adore happy fluffy loved up heart-eyes Malec but also love me some angst and smut so hopefully this combines all the above! 
> 
> Not sure how many chapters this will be, it's definitely a short one but I started writing and chapter one has ended up at over 4000 words so who knows where we will end up.

* * *

**Chapter One**

* * *

 

 

Alec raised his beer to meet Magnus’s half-full martini glass, clinking lightly against it. It was a small gesture from Magnus but one Alec could not help but welcome with a smile. Was it a simply a sign of celebration, marking the deserved victory they had won together or could it be something else, friendship? Hope? Forgiveness?

 

Magnus took a swig of his drink as Alec tried his best to compose his thoughts, something he’d been struggling to do ever since he found the courage to finally come over and speak to Magnus. Magnus’s soft welcoming smile had instantly put Alec at ease, but that was where his confidence ended. He was only half listening Magnus, discussing his usual post-magic drain recuperation rituals and demon activity post closure of the rift. Alec’s lack of focus was not due to the loud din of the celebrations in the bar around them, that noise felt a world away; but instead Alec’s mind focused solely on one thing, one terrifying thing which had pulled him towards the Warlock. The fearful thoughts and words which had been plaguing his mind for days, since Magnus walked away from him, were finally threatening to pour out.

 

Alec tried desperately to merge his conflicting thoughts into something resembling a cohesive focus but it was almost impossible when he was _this_ close to Magnus. Alec could feel the warmth of the Warlock’s body, the scent of his cologne; he was close enough to see the soft wrinkle at the corner of his eye and pout of his lips. Alec knew he was staring at Magnus, despite the fear and anxiety he felt pulsating inside him he just couldn’t help himself, his eyes, as always drawn to Magnus’s lips. God he wanted to kiss Magnus so badly.

 

Alec raised the beer to his lips, the bottle hovering in place for a moment. He didn’t want to share a drink with Magnus, or make small talk about demons and their victory like the crowd that surrounded them, acting as though they were nothing more than allies. Alec took a deep breath and realised this was his moment, his chance, possibly his last, to fix what was broken between them. A thought which terrified him completely, the idea that he might not be able to make it right, that he might lose Magnus forever was almost too much to bear but Alec knew he had to try. Eyes still fixed on Magnus Alec slowly lowered his bottle, hands moving behind his back to steady himself.

 

‘Can we talk?’ was all he said, no further words needed to infer what Alec meant.

 

Magnus was quiet for a moment; Alec could almost see the cogs turning in his mind before he answered with a half-smile, the word no more than a breath. ‘Yeah.’

 

Alec opened his mouth to say something else but suddenly found it was completely dry, he realised he hadn’t expected Magnus to say yes. In truth there was nothing more Alec could say, not here in amongst the raucous celebrations, he needed somewhere quiet, where it was only Magnus and him. Without another word Alec walked past the also unusually silent Warlock to the back of the bar, praying he would follow. He felt the cool feel of the night air against his face as he stepped out into the alley, usually this would calm him, Alec always found the quiet of the night outdoors soothing but right now there was nothing that could calm his nerves. His breath was coming in deep bursts, his heart thundering in his chest so loud he was sure it could be heard over the buzzing neon sign above his head.

 

The light sound of Magnus’s boots behind him focused Alec’s mind, he turned to see the Warlock strutting towards him with his usual grace. His hands were shaking, Alec shook them lose trying to gain some composure. He didn’t think he’d ever been so nervous in his whole life than his was in this moment. Magnus stopped in front of him, with another reassuring half-smile and expression that said;

‘ _Well?’_

Alec searched in his mind, desperate to find the right words this time, words he’d said before but hoped Magnus would believe this time, forgive this time.

 

‘Magnus, I’m sorry.’ He uttered in the dark.

 

‘Don’t apologise…’ Magnus said, his voice was soft and understanding and it only made Alec feel worse.

 

‘No, I should have told you about the Soul Sword…’ Alec insisted.

 

‘It’s in the past…’ Magnus responded, though the look in his eyes this time was not as sympathetic as his words.

 

Magnus crossed his arms, closing himself off from Alec and Alec knew he didn’t mean them, the events of the recent past hung in the air between them. Alec was staring intently at Magnus but the Warlock never quite met his eyes. Alec knew he needed to say more but he couldn’t find the words, what would be enough to make Magnus forgive him, to make Magnus understand just what he meant to Alec?

 

_I’m sorry…forgive me…please…I need you…I love you._

None of it was enough; Alec thought his eyes falling to the floor.

 

‘Magnus...ever since our…’ he paused not sure what to say. ‘… _fights_ …I…’

 

Magnus rolled his eyes and looked away.

 

‘I…I can’t think straight…’ Alec murmured, raising his hand to his head as the desperate words racing in his head tumbled out.

 

Alec knew this wasn’t going well, he knew he should say this better, say something more but the truth was without Magnus, he was a total mess. Magnus said nothing for a moment, uncharacteristically reticent, gave a small shake of his head.

 

‘Well I can’t do anything without thinking of you.’ He murmured.

 

The Warlock crossed his arms tighter, his words were not meant as a romantic declaration, they were more said despite himself, as though Magnus could not help it. It did not matter to Alec why he’d said it, it gave him hope.

 

‘Magnus I…’ Alec stepped forward, not too close but he needed to close to Magnus, he couldn’t help it, there was only one thought burning in his mind. ‘I don’t think I can live without you.’

 

For the first time Magnus looked Alec straight in the eye, the Warlock’s expression completely unreadable. Alec gave a small shake his head, silent words passed between them.

 

_That’s it Magnus, that’s all I have left…please believe me._

Magnus’s body shifted, softening slightly from his cool stance.

 

‘I thought I had to choose between you and the Downworld…’ he voice was soft as he edged closer to Alec. ‘…but I don’t.’

 

Alec’s racing heart thundered in his chest, his eyes remained fixed on Magnus as the Warlock moved, drawing closer to Alec as if in slow motion.

 

‘A wise man once told me...’ Magnus continued his face brightening. ‘ _Relationships take effort.’_

A soft laugh escaped Alec’s lips at Magnus’s gruff impersonation of him, quoting his own words back to him from their first date, the words he himself had uttered when he pledged himself to Magnus all those months ago.

 

‘Yeah well that was an understatement.’ Alec said unable to hide the smile beaming across his face.

 

Magnus smile grew in return and gave a small shake his head. They were so close Alec could feel the warmth radiating off him, he wanted so bad to reach out and pull Magnus to him, to feel his lips but still Alec felt nervous, looking to Magnus for guidance. As always, as if he read Alec’s mind, the Warlock stepped closer to him, pressing his body against Alec’s.

 

‘You know what’s not an understatement?’ He teased moving even closer.

 

Alec’s hand reached for Magnus drawing him to him, he could feel the beaming smile on his face as their lips touched, pure bliss filled his mind as if waking up from a terrible dream at last. Alec felt Magnus arm gently rub his, despite the layers between them Alec’s body was on fire at his touch.

 

They kissed for a moment or a century, Alec did not know or care, he was elated to feel the perfection of Magnus kiss once more. They broke apart, Magnus now grinning at Alec, a mischievous glint in his eye. Alec stared at him as though he were a precious gift, he wanted so badly to kiss him again, pin him against the alley wall, rip his clothes off and devour him. Whilst another part of Alec wanted nothing more to go back to the loft, hold Magnus in his arms and finally be home. 

 

Once again Magnus read his mind.

 

‘I’m all into parties but what do you say we get out of here?’ Magnus asked with a slight nod of his head.

 

Alec nodded enthusiastically in agreement, unable to say anything more than. ‘Yes.’

 

Alec turned, Magnus at his side, the Warlocks soothing arms stretching across his back. They walked slowly, the quiet of the alley suddenly disappeared replaced by the noise of the busy Brooklyn street.  Alec paused, letting out a small sigh glancing around them, he was sure he could feel rain in the air.

 

‘We should get a cab.’ He said turning to Magnus who was staring at him with a quizzical expression. Alec knew Magnus’s strength was returning slowly but didn’t want to stress him with conjuring a portal.

 

‘Actually…’ the Warlock said edging closer. ‘…I was rather hoping we could take a walk.’

 

Alec smiled, the smile he kept only for Magnus, a midnight walk with Magnus through the city sounded great, then he looked to the sky.

 

‘Looks like it might rain.’ He said softly.

 

Magnus shrugged and slide his hand into Alec’s. ‘So we get wet.’

 

Alec nodded with a chuckle and gently entwined their fingers, loving the cool feel of Magnus silver rings against his skin once more. He tugged gently guiding Magnus away from the Hunter’s Moon as they strolled down the street; the Warlock sighed and pressed his body against Alec’s.

* * *

 

They walked slowly, neither said a word, they didn’t need to, the feelings of happiness and contentment were practically radiating from them. Alec remembered the night of their first date, when they had walked the same journey together. That night Alec had been so afraid, terrified of what he felt, what he wanted, of Magnus, his past, that Alec wouldn’t be enough…he couldn’t possibly be enough. Alec had been so terrified he had almost walked away from Magnus.

 

Now Alec almost wanted to laugh at the absurdity of the it, he could barely comprehend the thought he could ever let the man beside him go. Magnus was his heart and soul. Magnus was his reason, his purpose. Magnus was his everything. That truth was both incredible and terrifying at the same time. He had meant every word he said tonight, Alec couldn’t live without Magnus and he prayed he would never have to again. The past few days apart had been the worst of Alec’s life

 

They were a few blocks from the loft when Alec felt the first rain drops fall, light barely there spots brushing his face. He smiled as Magnus tucked his body in closer.

 

Alec wrapped his arm around Magnus tight, head nestling into his hair, feeling the wet tresses tickle his face. ‘I _told_ you it was going to rain.’

 

Magnus chuckled in his arms and Alec felt his heat swell.

 

‘Come now Alec, it’s only a few drops.’ Magnus said teasingly.

 

The final two words had barely left Magnus lips as the sky opened and the rain fell suddenly hard and fast all around them. They stopped dead, both looking to the sky.

 

‘A few drops?’ Alec said loudly above the increasing pounding of the rain on the ground.

 

It had only been raining for a few moments but both men were completely soaked through. Magnus laughed, almost twirling himself in Alec’s arms as he turned to face him. The Warlock moved closer, intertwining both their hands as he pressed his wet body flush against Alec’s hard body.

 

‘Surely a big bad Shadowhunter like you can handle a little rain?’ Magnus yelled back with a laugh, his face bright.

 

Magnus’s laugh drifted away with the sound of the rain as he looked to Alec. Though it was becoming harder to see clearly through the dark of the night and pouring rain around them Magnus could see Alec clearly, his glowing cat eyes as always drawn to him. Magnus had enough strength back to keep his glamour up but right now, in this moment he realised he didn’t want to, didn’t need to keep that shield up, not with Alec, never with Alec.

 

Magnus felt his heart clench as Alec’s hand left his and moved to Magnus’s face, Alec’s large warrior hands cupping it, guiding it to his own. Magnus was sure he heard Alec utter a single word, barely and audible breath… _beautiful_ …before his desperate lips crashed against Magnus’s.

 

This kiss was different than their moment in the alley, that kiss was soft, gentle, a moment of reconciliation, of coming back to one another. This kiss now was filled with want and power; their lips were hard and desperate for the other. The weight of emotions they both felt burned between them like wildfire, though neither said it.

 

_I love you._

Magnus pressed his body even closer, moulding his body against Alec’s as his hands clung desperately to the Shadowhunter’s waist. The rain was falling even harder now, practically hammering against their soaked bodies but neither cared. Nothing in this universe or any other mattered outside them in this moment. Alec deepened the kiss, his tongue delving into Magnus’s mouth as his hands tangled through the wet tresses Magnus’s usually perfect hair. Magnus moaned against his mouth, revelling in the taste of Alec’s kiss. Magnus felt like his legs might give out from underneath him, though they had only been apart for a few days it had felt like a lifetime without Alec’s touch, his kiss, his body. Magnus had hungered for him so desperately, now he had him back he never wanted to let go.

 

They finally broke apart, chests heaving the rain falling even harder around them. Magnus felt Alec shudder, not sure if it was from the cold of the rain of the desperate need pulsating between them. Alec lent his head against Magnus.

 

‘I love you.’ He whispered, eyes closed, words barely audible against the harsh pounding of the rain.

 

‘I know.’ Magnus whispered brushing his lips against Alec’s. ‘Let’s go home.’

 

Magnus tugged at Alec’s hand, leading him towards the loft. He probably had enough magic back to portal them straight there or at the very least conjure an umbrella but the sound of Alec’s light laughter as they ran the final few blocks, hand in hand, his usually graceful Shadowhunter feet stumbling and splashing through puddles was a sound which grabbed Magnus heart, one he would cherish for all eternity.

* * *

 

They burst through the loft door in a fit of giggles and chattering teeth. Now under the bright lights of the hallway Magnus finally saw how ridiculous he and Alec both looked completely soaked through. As Magnus caught a quick glimpse of his reflection, hair messed up and flat, eyes blurred, lips swollen and decided he slightly regretted not conjuring that umbrella. The sound of heavy breathing and chattering teeth returned his attention to Alec, who stood shivering and dripping before him.

 

‘Alexander…’ Magnus said. ‘You must be freezing…you’re drenched.’

 

‘So are you.’ Alec answered; struggling against his continually chattering teeth, struggling to comprehend how was Magnus not a complete mess right now.

 

‘Demon blood, keeps me naturally warm.’ Magnus teased.

 

Alec rolled his eyes at the ridiculous and untrue comment but unable to stop himself from smiling. He turned to Magnus; water dripping from his foot, squelching on what he was sure was a more expensive rug than he wanted to know.

 

‘Sorry.’ He said, raising his huge arms in the air trying to stop the water falling, looking like a rather soaked and awkward scarecrow.

 

Magnus chuckled, ‘Why don’t you go grab some dry clothes and I’ll make us some tea?’

 

Magnus waved his hand lazily in the direction of the bedroom as he moved to the kitchen, but Alec remained fixed in place. Magnus turned back.

 

‘Alec…is everything ok?’

 

Alec’s eyes looked from the bedroom to Magnus and back towards the bedroom again, he gave a small nod before walking towards Magnus’s bedroom. Magnus watched him go, a frown forming on his face, there was something different in Alec, he seemed almost…nervous, as though he felt uncomfortable, like maybe he shouldn’t be here.

 

Magnus continued to the kitchen, shrugging his wet jacket off magically drying and hanging the couture garment up with a flick of his hand. His magic was returning slowly, though he was nowhere near full power he could still manage simple conjuring’s like that or say making a pot of tea but Magnus needed a moment alone in the kitchen, needed some quiet to gather his thoughts. He couldn’t quite figure out what but something had shifted in Alec upon their return to the loft. The happiness at being reunited in the darkened alley and the giddiness of their embrace in the rain seemed to have been replaced with an odd tension and awkwardness now under the harsh lights and reality of the loft.

 

Magnus sighed, he knew things wouldn’t go exactly back to the way they were before and he knew there was still so much more they needed to work through together. Magnus also knew Alec was still learning about what it meant to be in a relationship, a partnership with another. Magnus wanted to support him but Alec still seemed to struggle with something, with being truly honest with Magnus and himself.

 

Magnus tapped his ringed hand against the marble kitchen worktop; he’d already shared so much with Alec, more than he had ever shared with anyone, but there were still many parts of his past, parts of the other half of him, the dark demonic power within. Magnus wanted to share more, share all of himself with Alec but the truth was he was afraid, afraid that Alec wouldn’t understand. How could he? If Alec saw who Magnus truly was could he see past it, could he still love him the way he said he did? Magnus thought back to Alec’s words in the alley.

 

_I don’t think I can live without you_

Despite everything they had shared, all they had been through and pledged to one another Magnus was still afraid. He gave a small shake of his head, he knew he and Alec needed to talk, that their heartfelt exchange in the alley tonight wasn’t enough but not tonight. Magnus pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind, hoping the tension and awkwardness between them would dissipate. That they would at least have tonight before the reality of the world, of what they had to fight, took over once more.

 

Magnus waved his hands with a flourish of blue as an ornate silver tray appeared, topped with a steaming teapot, two delicate china cups and saucers. Magnus sighed and picked up the tray, squelching his way back to the living, he was about to magic himself dry when he reached the living room, expecting to find a partially dry Alec waiting in typically dark sweats and shirt but was instead greeted by an empty couch.

 

A bemused frown set upon his face Magnus edged towards the bedroom, edging the door open he found it as sans-Alec as the living room however the sound of running water from the master bedroom now caught his attention. Magnus felt the heat of the water as he opened the door, the comforting warm steam welcoming him in, a small ‘oh’ escaped his lips as his eyes adjusted to the sight before him.

 

Still dressed in his soaked clothes Alec sat with his back to the door, on the edge of Magnus’s grand claw foot bathtub which was rapidly filling with boiling hot water and soft white cloud like bubbles. The sweet scent of lavender, chamomile and rosemary oils filled Magnus’s sense as he scanned the bathroom, beaming at the scattering of lightly glowing candles rather haphazardly set out around them. He gently set the tray down, the light scrape of metal against tile caught Alec’s attention, turning at the sight. Any dark thoughts which had plagued his mind disappeared in an instant and all he saw was Alec.

 

Smiling Alec got to his feet, hands waving around him.

 

‘I thought you could do with this…’ his voice trailed off.

 

Magnus grinned, edging closer to him. ‘Oh Alexander, I do love you.’

 

Alec’s smiled grew. ‘I know…’ he whispered lips brushing over Magnus’s. ‘I could get the steak and martini but…’

 

‘I think I can help with that.’ Magnus murmured, one hand tracing up Alec’s huge arms as the other gave a quick snap of his fingers, the silver steaming tea set behind him instantly transforming into two perfectly mixed cocktails.

 

Chuckling and half-rolling his eyes Alec kissed him once more before moving towards the door. Magnus’s finger tips barely left his skin before he reached out once more and pulled Alec back to him.

 

‘Stay.’

 

Magnus’s words were soft, no more than a whisper but the desperate need in his voice roared as loud as the thunder outside. Alec nodded his head, unable to stop the beaming smile on his face as he twisted his body back to Magnus; the Warlock’s hands were already tugging at the hem of Alec’s t-shirt, drawing it up over his head quickly revealing the glorious warrior body Magnus craved so desperately. Alec soon followed him, gently easing Magnus’s silk shirt from his body, hands trailing over his shoulders, his chest feeling the cool gold of the single medallion chain that hung around his neck. Licking his lips Alec moved forward pressing himself against Magnus, the Warlock could feel how hard he was against him and quirked an eyebrow causing Alec to let out a soft laugh before he kissed him again.

 

Their hands moved to their own pants, hurriedly unbuckling belts and shrugging the wet heavy layers to the floor, falling against the stone tiles with a thud. Alec kicked his feet free when he noticed something brightly coloured half-fallen from Magnus’s pocket and his heart stopped for a moment. Slowly he bent down and picked it up, the Omamori charm Alec had given Magnus following their trip to Tokyo. Alec said nothing as he stood up holding it as though it was a precious treasure.

 

‘You still…’ he murmured, not sure if was speaking aloud.

 

‘Every day.’ Magnus answered softly.

 

Alec felt like his heart might burst. Magnus kept it carried it with him still despite all that had happened between them. Alec pressed the small charm into his palm, as though he might absorb some of its power, get back what he missed even in those few days he was apart from Magnus.

 

‘Alec…’ Magnus began but Alec cut him off.

 

Stepping forward Alec pressed his naked body rough against Magnus’s, lips crashing against the Warlock, his tongue devouring Magnus lips. Magnus moaned against him, his body reaching out for Alec, clinging to the Shadowhunter, revelling in the feel of him once more. Magnus’s lips moved away, dancing across Alec’s face his breath a hot whisper in Alec’s ear.

 

‘C’mon Shadowhunter, we don’t want the water to get cold.’ Magnus placed a soft kiss against Alec’s lips once more before he took Alec’s hand leading him back to the tub.

 

Despite the Shadowhunter’s much larger frame Magnus stepped into the near scalding water first, resting his back against the tub, revelling in the cool contrast of the porcelain on his skin. Alec followed, trying not to splash Magnus as he lowered himself into the water, settling himself between Magnus’s open legs. With a content sigh Alec lent his back against Magnus’s chest, the Warlock’s arms naturally falling around him. Alec loved the feeling, he was home at last. Alec’s hand clutching the Omomori still hung outside the water and gently set the coloured charm on the edge of the tub before reaching beneath the bubbles for Magnus’s hand.

 

‘I’m sorry Magnus.’ He whispered, bringing the Warlock’s hand to his lips kissing it. ‘For everything.’

 

Magnus sighed. ‘Alec you don’t…’

 

Alec gently returned Magnus’s hands beneath the bubbles, intertwining with his. ‘But I needed to say it again, I need you to know.’

 

‘I know.’ Magnus said nuzzling his head into the crook of Alec’s neck. ‘No more apologies. We’re here…together.’

 

Magnus whirled his free hand and the rapidly melting martinis transported from across the room and reappeared at the edge of the tub beside his precious charm. Magnus handed one to Alec who twisted his body slightly to face him.

 

‘To us.’ Magnus said raising his glass.

 

Alec smiled and clinked his glass. ‘To us.’

 

Magnus grinned and took a swig of his drink, the ice cold vodka causing a chill down his spine despite the heat of the water around them. Alec copied Magnus before turning back, settling himself once more beneath the warmth of the water and Magnus’s arms.

 

They sat wrapped up in one another, a tangled mess of hot limbs in blissful contented silence. Alec could feel Magnus hard against his back, he was still so aroused, he wanted Magnus desperately, he always did but right now, in this moment it wasn’t about lust or sex. Instead of hurried desperate grasps and clutches, hands leisurely and gently stroked skin; almost retracing areas they loved and had missed so badly.

 

After a time Magnus set his drink aside, hands reaching for a soft sponge, soaking beneath the oily water before tenderly bathing across Alec’s runed skin, letting the hot water soothe his sore and tired body, his lips followed, healing the pain in Alec’s heart. Alec moaned in delight at his actions, relaxing more and more in the comfort of Magnus’s hold, his eyes slowly fluttering shut as heat, exhaustion and contentment took hold. Magnus felt Alec’s body grow heavier against his chest, chuckling at the half-dozing Shadowhunter in his arms.

 

‘Clearly I’m losing my touch.’ He teased, lightly squeezing the sponge against Alec’s chest.

 

‘Mmmm…I…’ Alec mumbled struggling to open his eyes, knowing there was little point pretending. ‘Sorry.’

 

‘C’mon.’ Magnus whispered still chuckling as he prodded the Shadowhunter awake pushing his body forward and standing up. ‘Bed.’

 

Alec lent forward, half-yawning as he watched Magnus step over the tub onto the marble floor. Despite the near complete exhaustion he felt the sight of Magnus’s perfect form stood naked and dripping wet seemed to clear his tired mind. He couldn’t help but lick his lips, eyes fixed on Magnus’s round ass as the Warlock swaggered away grabbing their bathrobes from the back of the bathroom door. Alec dragged his body up, stepping onto the floor as Magnus held out the black robe embroidered with a silver ‘A’. Alec slid his arms into the heavenly soft fabric tying it loosely around him before he turned to see Magnus doing the same. Alec reached out and traced the silver ‘M’ glittering in the candlelight, trying to stifle another yawn.

 

‘You need sleep Shadowhunter.’ Magnus said softly fixing the collar of Alec’s robe.

 

Alec knew he was right, his head and tried warrior muscles desperately craved rest but his heart, not to mention other parts of his body, craved something else.

 

‘Don’t you want to…’ Alec began stepping closer.

 

‘Always Alexander…’ Magnus said causing Alec to smile. ‘But as incredible as I’m sure our first make up sex would be…’ Magnus tugged on the belt of Alec’s robe. ‘Tonight we need rest.’

 

Alec frowned, ‘But…I…’ Alec’s words were drowned out as a final much bigger yawn escaped. ‘Sorry.’

 

Magnus chuckled. ‘Don’t be, we have tomorrow Alec.’ Magnus said brushing his lips against Alec’s. ‘We have all the time in the world.’


	2. Chapter 2

 

* * *

  **Chapter Two**

* * *

 

Unsurprisingly Alec fell asleep almost instantly, eyes shutting as soon as his head hit the soft silk of Magnus’s pillow. Despite the equal exhaustion he felt Magnus stayed awake, head resting on Alec’s hard chest moving ever so slightly with the soft rise and fall of the Shadowhunter’s sleeping breath. It seemed Magnus couldn’t quite switch his mind off. Alec’s eyes fluttered in his sleep as the sound of his snores filled the room causing Magnus to chuckle softly, god he’d missed that sound. When he and Alec first shared a bed Magnus had found it adorable but after a time it became slightly irritating, though he never shared his complaint with Alec. However when he and Alec were apart, despite it only being a few nights, Magnus found he could not sleep without the sound.

 

Sighing in unison with another snore Magnus traced his hands gently across Alec’s stomach, fingers dancing over the dark runes scattered across his skin, remembering the countless nights before when he had mapped, tasted every one. As his fingers outlined the recently restored parabatai rune Magnus paused. Magnus still didn’t understand what had happened at Lake Lyn and doubted he would for some time, but he remembered Alec’s agonised cry when he felt the connection break from Jace, when Alec collapsed to the ground in unspeakable pain. In that moment, despite the demons, the war and the heartbreak between them, all Magnus felt was the need to be near Alec, to soothe his pain, to heal him, to save him. There was no greater agony that seeing the one you loved more than any other suffer.

 

Magnus moved his hands up, fingers tracing lightly over Alec’s face. Magnus loved Alec’s face in sleep; it was one of the few times he seemed truly at peace. Shifting his body slightly his fingers traced Alec’s perfect lips, a small whimper escaping them as he did so, the Shadowhunter’s sleep hands instinctively clinging tighter to Magnus’s body as though terrified he might slip away. Magnus chuckled lightly.

 

‘Relax Shadowhunter…I’m not going anywhere.’ He whispered placing the lightest kiss to his lips. ‘I can’t live without you either.’

 

Sighing Magnus settled his body into the comforting crook of Alec’s hold letting sleep take over, his mind and heart finally finding some restful peace.

  

They found their way back to one another sometime in the early hours of the morning. Despite the exhaustion and soreness of battle they felt, neither could wait, their bodies coming alive when tangled together once more. Magnus’s body twisted in sleep, his back flush against Alec’s hot chest as Alec reached for him in the dark, hands and lips craving the taste of Magnus, driven only by the need to feel the Warlock, to consume him completely. Magnus awoke slowly at the feel of Alec’s touch; movements were slow and gentle, almost reverent, worshipping every inch of Magnus’s body.

 

Magnus blinked his eyes open, turning his head to see Alec staring down at him, a deep all-consuming hunger in his eyes that Magnus knew was reflected in his own. Magnus raised his head capturing Alec’s lips, a deep moan escaping him as the Shadowhunter’s hands roamed down his abs and reaching for his hard dick. Alec’s hands moved slowly but grasp was firm, causing Magnus to gasp against his mouth as Alec’s hands ran over the throbbing head. Magnus felt Alec’s hardness pressing against his ass, his body grinding in response as Alec increased the speed of his movements. His lips moved to Magnus’s throat, kissing and sucking at his hot skin.

 

His moans growing deeper, Magnus’s body writhed in his hold, Alec couldn’t wait any longer, moving his free hand between their bodies to Magnus’s ass, two fingers pressing inside. Magnus’s breath caught in his throat, hands reaching back clinging to Alec’s waist behind him to steady himself as his lover slowly worked him open. Alec’s hands moved both hurriedly and slowly at the same time, his own dick painfully hard against Magnus. Alec needed to feel him, needed to be a part of him.

 

Magnus hands squeezed Alec’s side harder in silent communication; he’s ready, just as hungry and needy as Alec. Alec withdrew his fingers, reaching for his throbbing dick, a pained hiss escaping his lips as he gripped hard, positioning at Magnus’s entrance. Magnus looked over his shoulder; dark hooded eyes seeking Alec’s as he felt the Shadowhunter slowly push inside, Alec’s mouth crashing down on his. A deep guttural groan escaped Magnus’s lips as he felt Alec moving inside him, stretching him open as his tongued thrusts roughly into his mouth. The sound is raw and primal, Alec feels Magnus practically vibrating in his hold.

 

Alec moved his body faster, feeling himself pressing all the way inside Magnus, his own body burning with pure bliss and ecstasy, the same way he felt every time with Magnus. Alec kissed Magnus deeper, rolling his hips, feeling every delicious movement. Gasping for breath Magnus breaks the kiss, turning away, pressing his face against the sheets as his body edges closer and closer towards bliss. Alec’s breath is hot and fast in his ear, falling intermittently between desperate kisses as the Shadowhunter sucked and bites at his neck. Magnus chest is pounding, his own breath coming in violent ragged bursts as Alec deepens his movements, his free hand moving faster on Magnus’s dick.

 

They move together in a perfect rhythm, completely joined as though one being, as though they were always meant to move this way. Alec moved his hips upwards, body almost slamming into Magnus hard and more frantic than before, both knowing neither can last much longer, the hunger between them much too strong. Magnus moved one hand down, joining Alec’s own on his dick, both moving together in a wild rough pace.

 

‘Alexander…’ Magnus’s murmured roughly, his hand still on Alec’s hips digging painfully into his flesh as he clenches around Alec’s thrusts.

 

Alec let go instantly, coming hard with a rough guttural moan, his body shuddering roughly still thrusting inside Magnus. His hand released Magnus’s dick, now gripping violently at the Warlock’s waist as he emptied himself inside him. Magnus’s own hand continued in final frantic strokes with Alec’s final thrusts before his own release followed.

 

Alec buried his head in Magnus’s neck, muttering broken words Magnus can’t quite make out through the lust filled haze consuming his mind.

 

B _eautiful…love…mine._

 

They lie together, bodies and souls still joined, basking in the hum and bliss of the afterglow. Slowly Alec lifted his head, turning Magnus to him kissing him softly, though a stark contrast to the desperate love making they just shared the kiss is equally as powerful.

 

Their lips part, both collapsing back against the satin sheets, tonight a dark emerald green Alec picked out on a recent and rather extravagant shopping trip to Paris. Despite his heart screaming they should never be separated Alec slowly pulls himself from Magnus. The Warlock instantly reaches for his arms, wrapping them around his chest, bringing Alec’s hand to his mouth, kissing it before both fell back asleep almost instantly against the early morning hue of the sunrise.

 

* * *

 

  

Alec could feel the smile on his face before he opened his eyes, they slowly blinked open taking in the glorious sight of the magnificent creature in his arms. The glow of the morning sun danced across Magnus’s caramel skin, shimmering like precious gold. Alec’s arms were still clutched tightly around Magnus, as they had stayed all night. Alec felt like his heart might burst from the joy he felt holding Magnus, being with him again, he was beyond happy. The pain of their fights and past few days apart felt like a desperate memory.

 

Alec hated fighting with Magnus, hated that he had hurt him. He was so happy things were ok between them again, better than ok as Alec thought back to the previous night. Alec’s smile grew as he remembered the feel of Magnus, the way he lost himself and came undone beneath Alec’s touch. God he loved this man, Alec knew that, but the time apart showed Alec. The idea that he might not get to be with Magnus, not kiss him, hold him, make love to him  was more painful that Alec could comprehend. He had meant it when he said he couldn’t live without him.

 

Alec’s fingers danced along Magnus side, following the beams of light dancing across it. He felt as though he could watch Magnus sleep for hours.

 

‘Alexander…didn’t anyone ever tell you it’s rude to stare?’

 

Alec couldn’t see Magnus’s face but he could hear the grin in his words. Chuckling Alec returned his arm around Magnus’s waist tugging the Warlock to face him.

 

‘Morning.’ he mumbled still smiling.

 

‘Good morning.’ Magnus said an equally big smile across his face.

 

‘Last night was…’ Alec’s voice trailed off, not sure how to describe the events of the night before.

 

As always Magnus read Alec’s mind his own smile grew, _I know._ He edged his body closer brushing his lips against Alec’s, the Shadowhunter’s hands clasping at Magnus’s back the Warlock’s own delving into Alec’s hair. Alec’s hands push firmer drawing Magnus even closer, moulding their bodies together. The need of air overtook them and they broke apart, Magnus resting his forehead against Alec’s, their hearts hammering in time together.

 

‘Mmmmmmm. I did miss waking up with you Alexander.’ Magnus whispered.

 

Alec’s face fell, though his smiled remained there was something in his eyes, an almost regretful look. He let out a short breath and opened his mouth, Magnus knew was he was going to say and silenced him before Alec could apologise again, pressing his lips against Alec’s. Alec sighs against him and Magnus hopes any dark thoughts of their fights and separation are erased from his mind.

 

‘Spend the day with me.’ Magnus says softly brushing his nose against Alec’s. ‘We can do anything…go anywhere…or stay right here…whatever you like.’

 

‘That sounds amazing.’ Alec’s smile suddenly disappears into a scrunched frown. ‘Crap…I can’t.’

 

Magnus lets out a disappointed mewl as Alec rolls away from him, collapsing against the pillow with a frustrated grunt.

 

‘I have to submit this stupid report to the Clave.’ He grumbles. ‘I was meant to do it last night but…’

 

He shoots Magnus a feigned annoyed look who props himself on one elbow and winks at him in response.

 

‘This is one of the many reasons I avoided public office for the majority of my life, too much paperwork.’ He says teasingly running his fingers in delicate circles across Alec’s chest.

 

Alec grins, ‘Not much admin in the world of High Warlocks huh?’

 

‘Downworlder’s aren’t really big on paper trails.’ Magnus responds. ‘You silly Nephilm, with your Councils and reports and systems…depriving me of a much deserved _satisfying carnal_ morning in bed the Head of the New York Institute.’

 

Alec’s breath caught in his throat at the lustful way Magnus spoke above him and twisted his body, rolling onto his side body mirroring Magnus.

 

‘It shouldn’t take long; I can be back after lunch.’ He said eagerly causing Magnus to grin. ‘Then I’m all yours.’

 

‘That’s what I like to hear Shadowhunter.’ Magnus murmured lowering his lips to Alec’s once more.

 

* * *

 

Alec sat at his desk, reviewing the report one final time as he prepared to submit it to the Council. He’d compiled the report in under an hour, reading the notes and typing faster than he could remember before thanks to his speed rune. He let out a frustrated grunt, he knew there was so much to be done following Valentine and Jonathan’s defeat and what was next for the future of the Shadoworld and Downworld. Alec also knew he needed to talk to Jace about what really happened in Lake Lyn and their rune; he knew there was so much more for his brother to tell him. Alec knew his duty to the Clave and his parabatai was important but today it would have to wait. He’d hated leaving Magnus this morning and wanted nothing more than to get back to him as soon as possible. Alec needed today, they needed today.

 

Last night, being back in Magnus’s arms had been beyond amazing and Alec wanted nothing more than to return to them. The words of the report on the tablet screen began to blur as Alec’s mind drifted back to the previous night. The sex had obviously been incredible, it always was, despite Alec’s lack of his experience, he knew what happened between them when they came together was beyond the usual. The feel of Alec’s body wrapped completely in Magnus was pure bliss.

 

‘I take it someone had a good night.’ A teasing voice called from the doorway snapping Alec from his daze.

 

His eyes shot from the screen to the petite figure of his sister leaning against the dark wooden door frame of his office, a knowing grin on her face which Alec did not return, an irritable frown falling upon his face as he straightened up in his chair.

 

‘I have no idea what you are talking about.’ He grumbled.

 

Izzy’s grin widened, ‘Alec you were humming.’

 

‘I was not.’ He answered sharply. ‘I don’t hum.’

 

Izzy tossed her head back with a laugh as she stepped away from the door, sauntering in to the office. By the look of her outfit she was preparing to go on patrol, it seemed at least one of the Lightwood siblings was prioritising their duties today. Still grinning she collapsed into the chair opposite Alec.

 

‘Hmmmm and I’m sure a certain Warlock isn’t in Brooklyn right now, Cheshire grin on his face, humming as well.’ She teased.

 

Alec rolled his eyes, leaning back in his chair. ‘High Warlock.’ Alec corrected in a clipped tone before asking, ‘Can I actually help you with something Isabelle?’

 

‘Nope.’ She replied with a sassy grin, ignoring her brothers use of her full name which instantly brought Alec back to his childhood.

 

Memories of seven-year old Isabelle trailing around behind Alec and Jace, refusing to listen to their cries at her to go away, her stubborn expression as she insisted she could do anything the boys could.

 

‘Heard you were back and just wanted to check in, you and Magnus left pretty early last night…’ she continued, a teasing glint in her eyes however Alec’s dark glare stopped any further teasing. Instead she cast a quick glance across the mountain of papers on his desk. ‘Ah, Clave reports…fun.’

 

‘Yeah.’ Alec replied with a frustrated sigh, eyebrows raised. ‘I’m almost done, then I’m…’

 

‘Heading back to Magnus’s.’ Izzy interjected unable to stop herself.

 

Alec let out an infuriated grunt but Izzy only chuckled in response,  as he returned his eyes to the last section of the report, he knew ignoring Izzy would have little effect, his sister so used to Alec’s sullen reaction to situations he felt uncomfortable. So they say in silence for a time, Izzy’s hands fiddling the whip delicately wrapped around her wrist, deceptively concealing the devastating power it held. Alec sighed, aware of his sister’s eyes fixed on him once more.

 

‘What?’ he snapped not looking up from the screen. He swore if she mentioned humming he didn’t care if she was his sister, he was sending Izzy straight to ichor duty.

 

‘It’s good to see you happy again big brother.’ She said softly, not sibling taunting in her voice now.

 

Alec raised his eyes from the tablet and smiled.

 

‘After everything that’s happened these past few months, you deserve it. Magnus too.’ She continued. ‘Now that you guys are back together…’

 

Alec’s smile fell. ‘What?’ he interrupted. ‘Iz, Magnus and I didn’t break up.’

 

Izzy leaned forward in her chair, ‘Alec, I didn’t…’

 

‘We had a fight...fights’ Alec’s voice was much harsher now. ‘…a few fights but…’

 

‘Alec I’m sorry, I just thought that…’ she continued.

 

‘Well you thought wrong ok.’ Alec snapped. ‘We didn’t…Magnus…he just…he needed to…I…’ Alec couldn’t get the words out, his voice was shaking.

 

‘Ok.’ Izzy said, her voice soothing, sensing the anxiety in her brother. ‘It’s ok Alec.’

 

Silence fell between them once more. Izzy moved forward and set her hand on the edge of the antique desk, the weight of her whip sounded like an echo in the thick tension of the silence between them. Alec sat rigid, statue like in his chair, not looking at his sister but she could feel unease bubbling within him.

 

‘Alec I don’t know what happened with you and Magnus…’ her voice was low and quiet. ‘And I’m really happy you guys are in a good place again…but…’

 

Alec’s eyes flashed darkly at his sister’s final word.

 

‘Whatever happened…whatever your _fights_ were about; you need to talk about it. Making up is great…’ Izzy continued, a soft smile on her face. ‘…but it’s not enough. Loving someone, even as much as you love Magnus, isn’t always enough.’

 

Alec said nothing.

 

‘We all need to stop pretending Alec, stop lying to each other…stop hiding our problems and fears from the ones we love…believe me.’ She said though her words were quiet Alec felt the powerful truth within them.

 

He looked up into his sister’s eyes and saw her own struggle, saw the fears and lies she had kept hidden and what it had almost cost her.

 

Izzy stood up. ‘I know you big brother, maybe better than anyone…’ she said softly. ‘Talk to Magnus.’

 

* * *

 

Alec looked down at the phone in his hand, it was 7.22pm. He knew he needed to go soon, he’d told Magnus he would be back by 8pm. Usually he would be brimming with giddy anticipation at the thought of an evening only with Magnus, however all he felt now was a deep dread in the pit of his stomach, Izzy’s words still hung heavy on his mind.

 

His sister had left his office quickly following the tense end to their conversation, leaving Alec alone with the old familiar fears and anxieties he’d hoped, wanted, to believe were behind him. Alec knew what he needed to do but it couldn’t face it, not yet and so he had gone back to his old tactic of avoidance. He had text Magnus saying the Clave report was taking much longer than expected and he wouldn’t be back until tonight. Magnus, of course being Magnus, had been his usual understanding self. Alec’s fingers lightly danced across the screen as he brought up Magnus’s reply.

 

_Don’t worry darling, I expected as much. Too many i’s to dot and t’s to cross! Just be home by 8pm, I have a surprise for you…I love you._

Alec’s thumb hovered over the final three words, tracing each one over and over. His eyes glanced down to his reply.

 

_I’ll be there. Love you too._

Alec doubted Magnus took anything from his short response; Alec was not one for lengthy and superfluous messages. The typical concise message said nothing of the confusing and anxious thoughts consuming Alec’s mind. Left alone in his office with his thoughts Alec felt as though he couldn’t breathe, it felt like the walls of the Institute we closing in, suffocating him. He submitted the Clave report without another look, barked at the first unlucky Shadowhunter he in encountered in the hall that he would be out for the rest of the day and was not to be disturbed. Alec didn’t hear or answer the confused questions yelled as he brusquely sprinted away. He needed to get out of the Institute, he needed air, he needed to think.

 

So Alec walked, he walked for hours, the heavy rain from the night before had cleared away. Alec could not his mind from retracing the night before, the memories of walking arm in arm in the midnight rain with Magnus, of pulling his body close, of kissing him beneath the moonlight.

 

As thoughts of Magnus, as always, consumed his mind Alec eventually found himself tracing the same steps they walked together the night before, until he found himself standing outside Magnus’s loft. Alec had been there ever since, sat outside the red brick building, for almost two hours, trying to find the courage to go inside. Alec looked up at the dark red building and let out the heavy breath he was holding tight in his chest. 7.32pm. The night air was damp with the rain from the night before, Alec could feel a dark storm brewing, and wondered if it was a sing for what was to come. Izzy’s words played over and over in his mind like thunder. 

 

_Loving someone isn’t always enough._

Alec wanted to tell her she was wrong, scream and yell that it was different for him, for Magnus, that what they had would be enough, more than enough to face whatever was to come, but knew it was a lie. Alec felt so torn, he was so happy to be with Magnus like this again, he knew Izzy was right, there was still so much they needed to figure out, still so much unsaid between them. 

Alec also knew the reasons behind their fights, the politics and loyalties than divided them were still there and weren’t going away. The clinical strategist part of his brain warned him of the truth, in reality things would only get worse. Things would never be easy for them, no matter how much he wanted them to. 

 

Despite his reaction to his sister’s words Alec wasn’t an idiot, he had known what it meant when Magnus walked away from him, when he told Alec he couldn’t have both. But when he heard Izzy say the words out loud something inside him snapped. He knew Magnus broke up with him, had chosen to leave him and it was the most painful thing Alec had ever experienced. And now Alec had Magnus back a part of him wanted to pretend it never happened, push that dark painful memory to the back of his mind and never let it out again.

 

Despite his lack of relationship experience Alec wasn’t naive, he knew fights were part of being in a relationship. He and Magnus didn’t agree on everything, in truth they didn’t agree on much, what happened with the Soul Sword made that clearer than ever.  It was true part of Alec kept the truth from Magnus for fear of a Downworlder revolt but another part was scared, scared when Magnus found out the truth Alec would finally have to choose, chose between Magnus and the Clave, between his role as head of the Institute, everything he had worked his how life for or his new life with Magnus. Alec remembered Magnus’s words from the night Max was attacked, when the Warlock faced the same struggle Alec dreaded he might have to face.

 

_I can’t have both._

_Yes you can Magnus…we can._

Alec had said the words and meant them, in that moment he truly believed Magnus could be the High Warlock of Brooklyn and be with Alec as Head of the Institute…or at least he wanted to believe it. Alec felt as though his heart had been ripped out of his chest when Magnus walked away from him, but when Alec thought now, of what he would have done had he been forced to make the same choice, he felt a stab in his gut.

 

Yes Magnus could be the High Warlock of Brooklyn, lead the Downworld and be with Alec as a Shadowhunter. If nothing else what Alec had seen over the past few months the Downworld had shown they were willing to work with Shadowhunter’s, Magnus above all had shown his true character and belief in doing everything he good to protect all.

 

The Clave however remained unyielding in their archaic laws and traditions that kept the Shadow and Downworld firmly apart. Alec wanted to fight to change that but he knew it wouldn’t be easy, his position as the Head of Institute, though deserved for years of Alec’s hard work, was awarded to him only following the revelation of Jace’s true family heritage and Alec didn’t know how much grace the Herondale name would allow him with the Clave moving forward. How much longer would they allow what many of the Council viewed as a rogue Shadowhunter, in an openly gay relationship with a powerful Downworlder, lead them?

 

Alec wanted to keep his position so badly, not because he wanted the power but he wanted to protect people, all people, make real changes for the better. Alec knew he was on borrowed time, it didn’t matter that they had finally defeated Valentine once and for all, soon the Clave would want things back to the way they were before. The Clave wanted order and conformity above all else. As Magnus had mocked many times;

 

_The law is the law._

 

Alec knew what many in Idris, and some in the New York Institute, thought of him. He saw the looks, heard the whispers, the snide comments about his special “relationship” with Downworlders.

 

If Alec had been forced to make the same decision as Magnus, if thay choice had been before him, Magnus or his position, his life’s work, his people, could Alec truly say he would have chosen differently?

 

The memory played in his mind, the feel of Magnus’s hand on his cheek, the heart breaking look of defeat in his eyes, the feel as his hands slipped from Alec’s leaving him alone, heart crushed in the dark. Alec watched Magnus walk away from him in his memory over and over again and slowly the soul-ripping hurt and fear Alec had felt slowly moulded into something else; anger, a deep visceral anger he had not felt before.

 

Alec had been so focused on getting Magnus back, to even talk to him again, to earn his forgiveness he hadn’t thought about what Magnus had done.

 

Though Alec understood why Magnus had walked away, the fact was he had walked away. Magnus left Alec. Magnus had made the choice; he had given up on them, despite everything they had been through. Despite the rational part of his warrior brain telling him it was fine, Magnus and he were together, another part, the wild desperate part of him that craved Magnus like a drug, that felt as though he would die if he didn’t touch him at every moment, that couldn’t comprehend a single moment of his life, of his future without Magnus was angry. The words echoed in his ears once more.

 

_I can’t have both._

_Yes you can Magnus… **we** can._

.

  _I can’t have both._

_Yes you can Magnus… **we** can._

Yes we can, Alec thought, he and Magnus could have anything, everything they wanted. They would have to fight like hell for it, fight the Clave, the Shadoworld, the Downworld, fight every being in every infinite dimension that existed if they had to so they could be together.

 

Alec looked down at his phone, 7.43pm. He sighed, slowly rising to his feet, knowing he couldn’t put this off any longer. The first rain drops of the coming storm rumbled in the dark purple sky above him Alec took the final few steps home, fearing what would happen when the storm was over.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hey guys so sorry for the way overdue update for this story, the truth is I had the idea started writing and then just got stuck. I sort of knew where I wanted to go but I couldn't get there. It sucked because i hate leaving stories unfinished, especially ones which were designed as short episode tag ons like this one!
> 
> Anyway i had resigned myself to the idea this would be forever unfinished and then today new S3 promos, not just any promos but a whole MALEC promo 0:48 seconds of pure Malec only softness and love. I don't know how but somehow seeing Malec so happy and in love made my head go bang - finish this story woman!
> 
> so here we are a new chapter - fingers crossed someone out there has an interest in seeing what happens next. I realised quite a lot of the first two was from Alec's POV and I hadn't written any Magnus content in so long, I miss that amazing man so this is quite Magnus centric. 
> 
> I'm thinking only 1/2 more anyways to finish the story off with as much Malec goodness as possible before the new season.

* * *

  **Chapter Three**

* * *

 

Magnus looked his reflection over for what could quite possibly have been the third or hundredth time at this point he had lost count, his dark painted fingers whirling as the blonde streaks disappeared from his hair once more. His fingers snapped lightly and the more silver-grey shirt and cravat morphed into a dark crimson silk tunic, half open at the chest a litany of golden chains appearing against his bare skin. Magnus flicked his wrist lightly and then chains disappeared before repeating the motion and the trinkets appeared once more.

 

He let out a self-frustrated sigh, hands falling to his side with an uncharacteristic heaviness which literally pulled at the pit of his stomach. Not being confident about his appearance was more disconcerting than his mind could handle. Magnus’s fingers played lightly with the beads around his wrist, gently touching his Omamori charm that hung from them, it was the one thing he was certain belonged with him today.

 

Magnus felt as though he was twisted up in knots, he felt so nervous, more so than he had in a long time. He knew it was ridiculous, there was no reason to be this anxious but he couldn’t help it. Things with Alec were finally back to being good again, better than good Magnus thought to himself as he remembered the early hours of the morning. Magnus felt his skin grow hot at the memory, how his body opened up, hungry and desperate for the feel of Alec’s own despite only being apart for a few nights.

 

Magnus had had his share of extraordinary lovers; men, women, a flexible Seelie he’d encountered in the mid-19th century that had fled the Court in favour of the adoring crowds of the Hungarian ballet and literally left Magnus tangled in the sheets. Yet none of his past liaisons compared to Alexander.

 

It was shameful really, how badly the Warlock craved the feel of Alec’s touch, the taste of his lips, the fullness he felt when Alec was inside him was incredible. Magnus’ eyes flicked to the now pristinely and magically re-made bed, the nerves previously consuming his mind merging into different feelings entirely. Images of Alec flooded his mind, the memory of skin on skin, hot bodies grinding together, lips devouring lips, pleasures unlike Magnus had experienced before. Magnus felt his pace quicken, his mouth suddenly dry and pushed the thoughts to the back of his mind. That wasn’t the plan for tonight or at least not right away…a mischievous voice mumbled in his head.

 

Deciding he needed to get away from the distraction of the bed and anxiety of the mirror Magnus headed towards the living room, however as he took in the scene before him the feeling of nervousness returned. A deep frown set upon his face, he looked around. The usual couch, chairs and coffee table were gone instead replaced by a grand dining tale, covered in the most lavish spread of food and vintage champagne. The crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling but was not lit, instead every other surface was filled with thin white candles, flickering and filling the loft with warmth. The room must have been filled with over 200 hundred candles, matched by almost as many hot pink roses, the same bloom Magnus had had the first morning Alec ever spent the night.

 

It was extravagant, lavish, completely over the top and totally Magnus but not Alec. Magnus sighed and waved his hands in frustration as the usual living room arrangement returned before his eyes. Magnus put his hand on his hip and let out a small grunt, deciding on how to arrange the living room had caused almost as much stress as his outfit. Magnus hated how unsure and insecure he felt but he wanted tonight to be perfect, for Alec.

 

Alec’s stoic yet exquisitely beautiful face appeared in his mind. Alec was so many things but he wasn’t one for extravagances, he was simple and classic. Magnus swirled his hand, the scene remained mostly unchanged with the exception of a six-pack and pizza with Alec’s favourite toppings on the coffee table. Within three seconds Magnus hung his head in despair, Alec might not have been on his level of lavish excess but he wasn’t a frat boy either. This “romantic” scene felt something more in line with his parabatai’s cultured nature.

 

Growing more and more frustrated with each flick of his wrist Magnus’s magicked a series of different dinner scenes, each one more nonsensical than the last. No matter what Magnus tried it didn’t feel right, the nerves that had started to creep back in his mind now roared as loud as the rumbling thunder he felt approaching outside. He brought his fingers to his forehead, pinching the bridge of his nose as if physically trying to re-centre his magic and thoughts. Why couldn’t he think straight tonight?

 

As the phrase echoed in his mind Magnus almost laughed, even now Alec consuming his thoughts. Magnus could not help but smile as he remembered their words from the alley the night before.

 

_Ever since our… _ **fights**_ …I can’t think straight…_

_Well I can’t do anything without thinking of you…_

_I…I don’t think I can live without you…_

The final words may have been spoken by Alec but Magnus felt each one in his heart with the same passion. He knew with absolutely certainty he couldn’t live without Alec either, the pain of the past few days alone were proof enough of that. It wasn’t only the Shadowhunter’s body he had craved but his heart, his soul.

 

Magnus knew the truth, knew it was the reason he was so nervous tonight. Slowly over the past few months the young Shadowhunter had consumed the over four hundred year old Warlock completely. Alec had torn down Magnus’s bravado, seen beneath the painted mask he’d used as a shield to the world for decades. Alec had seen him completely bare, seen the darkest, ugliest parts of his soul Magnus had shown no others. Magnus had given more of himself to Alec than anyone in his life and it was both exhilarating and terrifying. He wanted to share more, share everything with Alec…for as long as the Shadowhunter would let him, forever if he could.

 

But Magnus was scared, despite the love and acceptance Alec had shown him there was still so much the Shadowhunter did not know, so much Magnus still kept inside. The truth about his past, his parentage, the truth of the demon lurking within him.

 

The truth of who Magnus was, of his father was no secret, it was something the Warlock had obnoxiously bragged about, using his lineage as the son of Asmodeus, the greatest Prince of Hell, in his youthful days when crafting his all-powerful reputation. However through the decades, as Magnus learnt more about his father and himself, as he truly came to terms what the demon within him meant, what pain it had caused he chose to leave that part of him behind and start anew.

 

It was all there in his file, sat within the halls of the Institute for any Shadowhunter to see but Alec never had. They spoke about it once; Alec told Magnus since their first meeting, the night they traded his necklace for information on Jocelyn he’d kept the filed locked away. He wanted Magnus to tell him on his own terms, in his own time and Magnus knew it was true.

 

Magnus also knew he would have to tell Alec and part of him wanted to, wanted to feel the comfort and safety of Alec’s embrace but he the truth was he was afraid. If Alec knew it all, who he was, where he’d come from, could he love him the same?

 

Even if he did, even if he wanted to there were so many others who could use it to destroy them, use Magnus’s past against Alec or worse to hurt him. What happened with the Soul Sword had been a heart breaking reminder that he and Alec came from different worlds, that the very facts of who they were, could tear them apart. Despite the happiness Magnus felt that they had found their way back to one another he was still terrified one day he could lose it all again and there would be no way back. When Magnus had walked away from Alec, though it ripped his heart out and despite the anger and hurt he felt at the Shadowhunter’s lies some small part of him, the coward that lurked within had felt relief. Relief the pain would be felt then, the sharp, gut-wrenching, soul-ripping pain would be something Magnus would live with for the rest of his life but at least the torture of waiting for the day he would lose Alec would be over.

 

Magnus wished it wasn’t this way, and he believed Alec when he said he wanted it to be different for them. Magnus wanted that too, more than anything but he had lived a long time, seen so much pain, so much heartache. Magnus wished for a new world for them, a world that was both of theirs.

 

Suddenly Magnus had a thought, the anxiety and nerves clearing from his mind. He clicked his fingers and the scene changed once more. The sofa and chairs remained but pushed aside; a new table appeared in the centre of the room not too grand but fancy enough. The candles and roses which before had completely engulfed the room were now scattered sporadically around. The rich luxurious food which had adorned the table before was replaced with their shared favourite food; sushi. It had always been one of Magnus’s favourites and something Alec had tried on their travels. The expensive champagne had disappeared replaced instead with their favourite shared drink, red wine. Alec was still not a martini man despite Magnus’s various attempts.

 

Magnus surveyed the room, now a mixture of simplicity and elegance; of old and new; a combination of the things they loved together. It was perfect.

 

The enticing sight of the sushi and memories of their time in Japan broke the brief moment of calm in Magnus’s mind and he suddenly remembered the most important thing for tonight. He checked the clock; 7.43pm, Alec would be here any minute, always the soldier he was never later. Quickly Magnus headed back to the bedroom.

 

There sat on his side of the bed was the small black box, wrapped with the most extravagant gold bow, hand wrapped, Magnus not once considered using magic. Magnus picked it up slowly, he knew it was ridiculous but it felt as if he could _feel_ the power inside the tiny box. He prayed Alec would like it. suddenly Magnus’s eyes caught sight of the parchment on his bedside table, he placed the present back down and picked up the letter he’d received earlier that afternoon; a fire message summons to the High Warlock Council.

 

Unable to stop himself Magnus rolled his eyes, without quite the same sass he had when he first read the summons. Magnus was not intimidated by the thinly veiled threats in the letter, he’d known his actions to side with the Seelie Queen would have repercussions in the Warlock hierarchy. He had dealt with their ridiculous politics and displays of power before and would again. He ignored the ominous rumble of thunder outside instead with a dismissive huff tossed the parchment aside, tonight he could not bring himself to care.

 

His attention was suddenly consumed by the sound of Alec’s key turning in the door; a sound Magnus had grown to love more than he knew was rational. A sound which gave his heart the same feeling of pure joy as when he saw the sight of Alec’s Bluetooth brush lent against his own in the bathroom.

 

Unable to stop his body acted on instinct, turning to welcome his love home, his mind focused only on Alec, the letter left behind completely forgotten, the black box still beside it.

 

As he passed the mirror Magnus snapped his fingers one final time, the crimson of his shirt morphing into a deep royal blue. Alec liked blue.

* * *

 

 

‘Alexander, as punctual as always…’ Magnus beamed as Alec gently closed the heavy loft door behind him. Magnus

 

Magnus’s voice as always was warm and comforting, Alec felt his heart swell and skin grow hot, not only from the sound of it but the candles littered throughout the entire loft. Alec’s eyes quickly adjusted to the dimmed lighting as he took in the scene before him; the table, the roses, the mouth-watering array of sushi, his new favourite food. It was something Alec had never tried before he met Magnus, which was true of so many things Alec thought to himself.

 

Magnus glided towards the table and poured two large glasses of wine, Alec had still not said a word, instead he stood fixed in the doorway. Magnus cast a look over his shoulder, Alec looked exhausted and tense which wasn’t surprising, Magnus expected the Clave would be deploying their standard overly intense bureaucratic and interrogative methods in their attempts to restore order now Valentine had been defeated. He topped Alec’s glass up a little more, deciding the Shadowhunter was most definitely due a drink.

 

When Alec finally looked to Magnus his mouth fell slightly open, sometimes despite himself he forgot how truly beautiful Magnus was. Magnus, as always, looked incredible, dressed in a dark blue shirt, half open, an array of gold chains and amulets hanging perfectly across his chest. Alec always liked him in blue. Alec then noticed the Omamori charm tied around one of the many beads on his right wrist when he suddenly became aware Magnus was moving towards him, glasses in hand.

 

‘…one of the _many_ things I adore about you.’ Magnus said softly handing Alec a glass, lightly brushing his lips against the Shadowhunter’s.

 

Alec unable to do anything else kissed him back. He wanted nothing more to toss the glasses to the ground, take Magnus in his arms and lose himself in him as he had the night before, push the fears away for one more night. But he knew he couldn’t.

 

Magnus broke his lips from Alec’s; he could sense the tension in the Shadowhunter, cursing the Clave for whatever gruelling interrogation they had put him through today. Magnus was even more determined to make tonight special for Alec; with a soft sigh he ran his wine free hand down Alec’s arm. The thunder rumbled in the distance outside and Magnus braced himself for the tales of the latest Clave insanity.

 

‘Looks like someone’s had a rough day.’ He said giving Alec another quick kiss. ‘Drink your Pinot and tell me all about it. We have a night of many exciting delicacies and pleasures ahead to _lift_ your spirits.’

 

Magnus arched his brow with a flirtatious wink as he turned away, sauntering towards the table, beckoning Alec to follow. Magnus felt like a teenager, anxious and excited butterflies buzzing in his stomach.

 

‘You broke up with me.’

 

Magnus stopped moving, but kept his back to Alec, saying nothing for a moment all that could be heard was the rumble of the thunder grew louder outside. Slowly he turned his body to face Alec, the flickering glow of the candles dancing across the dark blue of his shirt like stars in the evening sky.

 

‘You broke up with me.’ Alec repeated his words louder now. ‘You walked away from me…from us.’

 

‘Alexander…’ Magnus began slowly, he had known this talk was going to come but in truth he hadn’t expected it so soon. So much for the make-up period he thought to himself. Magnus let out a heavy sigh, knowing what the Shadowhunter was about to say, bracing himself for the intense words and endless apologies to follow once more.

 

‘I understand why.’ Alec said. ‘Part of me thinks maybe you were right.’

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Wow thanks SO much for the feedback on the update chapter! Its super cool to know that people are still interested in a story when you come back to it after a little while away. 
> 
> For those who have read my other fics will know i am a masochist for Malec angst and i just can't help myself. So for all those fellow sufferers like me enjoy :)

* * *

  **Chapter 4**

* * *

 

 

_You broke up with me…You walked away from me…from us._

_I understand why…Part of me thinks maybe you were right._

 

Magnus blinked slowly, his mind felt suddenly hazy as his mind struggled to comprehend the words uttered from Alec’s lips. His heart began to quicken in his chest, no longer from the excitement and anticipation of their romantic night ahead but from an all too familiar feeling of fear; fear that this was end. What Alec said next did nothing to allay Magnus’s rising fears.

 

‘We’re from completely different worlds.’ Alec said quietly, repeating Magnus’s own words from months before. ‘I’m a Shadowhunter...’

 

‘A fact of which I am painfully aware…you may have mentioned it once or twice.’ Magnus muttered darkly.

 

Magnus looked away, he knew his words wouldn’t help but he was unable to stop the sarcastic retort to Alec’s revelation; his go-to defence mechanism naturally rearing its head. Before he said anything further Magnus threw his wine back in one go, the tarte taste burnt the back of his throat.

 

‘This isn’t the time for jokes Magnus.’ Alec said with a frustrated sigh setting his still full glass down.

 

The thunder which had rumbled low in the city, edging closer throughout the sky now roared deafeningly outside. Hard rain pounded the glass of balcony doors, beating down so furiously Magnus wouldn’t have been surprised if it all shattered. Not that Magnus could bring himself to care, not in this moment when it seemed there were far more valuable things that might be broken.

 

‘I’m not laughing Shadowhunter.’ Magnus said flatly, genuinely considering whether to walk over and take Alec’s wine as well.

 

Not sensing that Magnus’s mind had taken a new focus Alec continued. ‘My whole life, I was trained to be a Shadowhunter; to complete my missions, to follow the Clave, their laws, their beliefs…’

 

Magnus snapped his head up, opening mouth for another snarky retort but the dark look in Alec’s eyes stopped him.

 

‘They’re _my_ beliefs Magnus.’ Alec continued. ‘I might not agree with everything the Clave does, but what they stand for…being a Shadowhunter…it’s who I am…that’s never going to change.’

 

The sound of the rain seemed to be growing louder and louder, in turn the tension between them seemed to grow in sync. Certain if he spoke his words would only worsen this so Magnus looked away, eyes returning to the wine he needed more and more by the second.

 

‘Just like being a Warlock, a Downworlder is part is who you are.’ Alec said with a finality that made Magnus’s nerves spike.

 

Magnus wouldn’t look Alec in the eye, he couldn’t, instead he twirled his empty glass lightly in his hands, he needed to do something to control the impulse to blurt out the not-so cohesive thoughts running though his mind. Magnus sensed the Shadowhunter had more to say, and so against the hammering rain he stood silent.

 

‘I understand why you left, I lied to you about the sword, betrayed your trust…’ Alec’s words trailed off, he wasn’t here to talk about that. ‘What you said that day…as a leader you had to make a decision, I get that. I’m a leader too…or at least I’m supposed to be…’

 

Alec let out a defeated sigh, the insecurity he still felt in his role as Head of the Institute clear in his voice. Magnus wanted to go to him, even now, despite being in the middle of whatever this conversation held, Magnus wanted to comfort him, reassure him, tell him he _was_ a leader, he was an incredible leader. The whispers and slurs of small-minded Clave underlings meant nothing. Despite wanting to take Alec in his arms and soothe his fears, Magnus held back, unsure if Alec would fall into him or push him away.

 

‘I didn’t tell you about the sword because I was…’ Alec continued.

 

‘Following orders. I know.’ Magnus snapped unable to stop himself, rolled eyes accompanying his short words.

 

‘Yes Magnus, following orders, that’s what I do, I’m a solder, I was trained to…’ Alec snapped back.

 

‘Blindly follow orders that you know are wrong?’ Magnus said his voice seemed to be getting louder with each word, his restraint finally given way as a deep roar of thunder broke above them. ‘What happened to following your gut Alec?’

 

‘I was!’ Alec said, his own voice growing louder. ‘I didn’t think it was wrong.’

 

Magnus almost did a double take; Alec’s final words were not what he had expected. Magnus looked to him with disbelief before practically slamming the delicate wine glass on the table.

 

‘So you agree with the Clave’s orders to keep the Downworld in the dark? To treat us like second class citizens, as though our lives mean nothing…’ Magnus bellowed as if trying to roar louder than the storm raging outside.

 

‘Don’t be ridiculous, but I agree with orders that prevent widespread panic and stop a civil war that could destroy everything!’ Alec yelled back, arms waving wildly.

 

Neither spoke for a moment, instead both men stood glaring at one another as the rain hammered harder against the glass, raindrops bouncing violently off the balcony.  

 

‘You could have told me Alec.’ Magnus said coolly, his voice flat. ‘You could have trusted me.’

 

The unspoken words hung between them… _like I trusted you._

Alec shook his head, ‘If I had told you, not as the High Warlock of Brooklyn but as Magnus, my boyfriend, my partner…’ Alec paused, as though he wanted to say more but didn’t. ‘….could you have kept that secret? Hidden the truth from your people, your family, even for me? After everything the Clave has done to them…to you.’

 

Magnus said nothing but they both knew the answer.

 

‘If the situation had been reversed, if you had told me Downworlders had a weapon capable of wiping out all Shadowhunter’s…my family, my friends, how could I have kept that secret? I don’t think I could.’ Alec said the truth evident in every word he spoke.

 

‘So you lied to me to protect me?’ Magnus said, his tone cold, unconvinced by Alec’s words.

 

‘No, I lied to you to keep you.’ Alec’s voice was suddenly quiet again. ‘I knew, I knew once you knew the truth you’d have no choice…you’d leave…’

 

Magnus said nothing, there was nothing to say, Alec’s words were true. Magnus had left.

 

Neither spoke for a time, Magnus stood arms now crossed across his chest, still not looking at Alec across the room as though separated from him by an invisible wall. Physically they weren’t far apart, a few steps and they could fall into each other as they had so many nights before, but it felt as though there was a vast void between them, growing deeper with every word he said.

 

Finally Alec broke the silence.

 

‘This is going to happen again Magnus; we’re going to face this same fight, this same choice over and over…’ Alec paused. ‘We’re always going to be on different sides.’

 

‘What are you saying?’ Magnus meant his words to come out soft but he heard the harsh accusatory tone in his voice.

 

‘A Shadowhunter and a Downworlder, how can that ever work?’ Alec shook his head. ‘It can’t.’

 

‘Alexander…’ Magnus’s voice croaked all coldness or sarcasm gone in an instant. This was the first time he had said Alec’s full name and his heart feared it may also be the last.

 

‘I know that, in my heart I know that…this can never work. The Clave, the Downworld, the rules, my family…it can’t work…’ Alec’s voice was so quiet Magnus barely heard him over the sound of the raging storm.

 

Magnus stood silent, his focusing on the rain hammering against the loft glass as his heart struggled to comprehend what Alec was saying. Magnus wanted to say something, do anything to stop this but he stood frozen in place.

 

Suddenly he felt Alec move and took a deep breath, steeling his heart once more, bracing himself for the pain he wasn’t sure he’d survive when Alec walked out that door. His heart hammered harder in his chest, almost as loud as the rain outside when he realised Alec wasn’t walking away but coming towards him, edging closer through the void that separated them.

 

‘But I don’t care…’ Alec said his voice was hard and intense was more but something in his eyes changed. ‘I _don’t care_ about the Clave or the rules or my family or anything…all I care about is you Magnus.’

 

Magnus opened his mouth to speak but still no words followed, suddenly the deafening pounding of the rain started to ebb away.

 

‘I love you Magnus.’ Alec murmured words which spoke of love and tenderness but his tone was desperate and rough. ‘I love you more than I ever thought could be possible. I might not have live for centuries or been friends with Casanova…’

 

Unable to stop himself Magnus rolled his eyes, crossing his arms tighter, practically clinging on desperately as Alec spoke.

 

‘…but I know that this, _us_ …is something…’ Alec’s hard tone faltered, trembling slightly as he struggled to find the words to say what it was between them but as always Magnus knew exactly what he meant.

 

‘We’re going to have to fight for this, for us every day. For the rest of our lives…’ Alec continued, his voice growing louder once more, regaining his strength.

 

Magnus swallowed, despite the tension and anger between them his heart couldn’t help but skip at Alec’s final words.

 

‘When you left…I couldn’t…it was like my heart had been ripped from my chest…’ Alec’s words stumbled out, his heart now threatening to overtake his head. ‘You didn’t look back…and I get it…I get why but… we can’t…’

 

Alec’s voice faltered as he struggled to get his final words out. Magnus remembered back to the time when they first met and Alec would be so nervous around him, the faintest smile traced Magnus’s lips as the memories stirred in his mind.

 

Magnus felt a shift around him, the air pulsating with a heat stronger than any magic. Alec now stood directly in front of Magnus; close enough Magnus could feel the vibration of his body. Despite his fearful heart screaming not to the Warlock finally looked to his eyes.

 

‘We can’t give up Magnus; we can’t just walk away…’ Alec said firmly. ‘Ok?’

 

Magnus stared at Alec for a moment, allowing himself the briefest relief of bliss in his hazel eyes. They really were the most beautiful eyes.

 

‘Ok.’ Was all Magnus said in response, his body near trembling.

 

Alec so was close now, close enough to kiss him but that wasn’t the first thought running through the Warlock’s mind. This was one of the few times in Magnus’s long and experienced life he wasn’t sure what to do next. Part of him was beyond elated by Alec’s words; he felt the Shadowhunter’s truth, love and passion with every word. But another part of him, the part which was barely holding on to the months, in truth decades, of his own fears and insecurities which now threatened to spill forth. The part that had lived for far too long and knew that words, no matter how beautiful and true were just that, words and sometimes were not enough.

 

Alec’s body visibly relaxed, Magnus could literally see the anxiety and stress leave his body. Magnus thought Alec might kiss him and he knew if he did any willpower Magnus had would be lost in an instant.

 

But Alec didn’t kiss him; instead he stepped back from Magnus and turned to the side, wiping his hands against the cool leather of his jacket. Magnus recognised the trait, it was something Alec did when he felt uncomfortable, not sure what to do next, hoping the other person would break the tension in a difficult situation. However Magnus remained silent.

 

The rain continued to hammer outside but still Magnus waited, uncharacteristically restrained. Alec had said so much tonight Magnus was still letting it sink in. Finally Alec turned back to Magnus, the small Alec smile Magnus so adored across his face. He seemed lighter, freer, his brown lacking its usual furrow as though a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. There was a hopeful glint in his eyes, as though now everything would be magically ok.

 

 _Oh my sweet naive Alexander_ , Magnus thought against the background of the thundering storm.

 

‘Look I’m sorry I know I kinda caught you off guard…’ Alec began, waving his arms at the scene around them. ‘I didn’t mean to ruin tonight; I mean this dinner looks incred…’

 

‘Alexander…’ Magnus said softly. ‘Please shut up.’

 

Alec’s smile fell instantly, his face scrunched up, visibly taken aback. ‘What?’

 

‘I said shut up Alec.’ Magnus repeated coolly. ‘Or did you think you’d get to burst in here, have your big moment and that was that? That _I_ had nothing more to say.’

 

Alec stammered quietly for a moment but unlike previously in the evening no coherent words followed.

 

Magnus uncrossed his arms and quirked eyebrow but not in his usual flirtatious way Alec loved, there was something dark in his eyes, something almost sinister.

 

‘Because believe me Alexander I have _plenty.’_

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

* * *

**Chapter Five**

* * *

 

‘I…’ Alec stammered really not sure what to say.

 

The truth was Alec hadn’t exactly had a master plan tonight or really any plan at all. Once he came through the loft door all his fears and anxieties had just poured out, like he’d finally opened a wound that couldn’t heal. He hadn’t thought about what Magnus might say back and with the dark look on Magnus’s face Alec was nervous to find out. With a deep breath Alec gave a silent nod of his head.

 

‘I love you Alec. There are so many things I adore about you…’ Magnus began. ‘But until tonight I didn’t realise you were an idiot.’

 

‘What?’ Alec asked, brow furrowed and open mouthed completely stunned.

 

‘You really have no idea do you?’ Magnus snapped his hands swirling slightly, the faintest blue spark flinging from his fingertips as his anger threatened to boil over. A flash of light broke in the night sky as lightening flickered across the Manhattan skyline.

 

‘You think I just walked away from you? You think it was so easy for me? You think I didn’t want to stay with you, fight with you…for you…’ Magnus continued his voice growing louder, the storm outside seeming to accompany him.

 

‘That I thought here is this man…’ Magnus yelled gesturing his hands violently towards Alec the Shadowhunter almost stepped back not sure if a spell would come his way. ‘…this amazing, incredible, beautiful, deliciously flexible man…’

 

‘Magnus!’ Alec scolded though a slight blush appeared at his cheeks, even now, even though they were alone and in the midst of an intense moment Magnus still managed to be Magnus.

 

Magnus composed himself and took a breath. ‘Here is this man before me, this man I have wanted for so long…this man I love more than…’ Magnus’s voice trailed off. ‘Did you think I chose my duty over my heart just like that? Do you really think so little of me?’

 

Alec said nothing, unlike before Magnus was now staring directly at him, eyes challenging Alec to dare to speak out again. The storm rumbling around them grew harsher.

 

‘It broke my heart Alexander…more than I thought I could stand.’ Magnus’s voice shook, he tried to compose himself. ‘I’ve lived for a long time Alec, I’ve known love and heartbreak, broken my fair share…’ Magnus said with an almost sad smile. ‘…but I have never endured pain like that.’

 

Alec heard the truth in Magnus’s words, the magnitude of what he was saying was almost too much.

 

‘You stand there Alec and tell me that we’re going to have to fight for this, for us and I think I don’t know that?’ Magnus snapped, feeling his heart hammering in his chest. ‘You think I don’t know what lies ahead for us, how hard this will be? I’ve been fighting for us since the start Alec, fighting against the Clave, the Downworld, your family…you.’

 

‘Me?’ Alec croaked, his throat felt so dry.

 

‘I think I still am.’ Magnus shook his head as if pushing the thought away. ‘Sometimes I forget how young and innocent you are Alexander; you see the world through such hopeful eyes…you see the injustice and struggle, you want to make it right and you believe you can because you have the biggest heart…’

 

‘Magnus…I…’ Alec began but his voice trailed off, not sure what he was going to say.

 

‘I love you Alec, and you love me.’ Magnus said with complete certainty. ‘That should be enough but...’

 

Alec said nothing, Isabelle’s words from earlier roared in his mind; _Loving someone…even as much as you love Magnus, isn’t always enough._

 

‘…I’ve lived long enough to know that is a fool’s hope.’ Magnus said softly. ‘You were right before Alec; we’re from completely different words and always will be. You have no idea how hard it could be.’

 

‘So what are you saying there’s no point, to any of this?’ Alec stammered. ‘What happened to not having to choose between me and the Downworld?’

 

Magnus shook his head, ‘This isn’t about making a choice Alec, this isn’t about duty or rules…the Shadoworld, the Downworld…none of that matters…not really…’

 

Alec stared at him speechless; Magnus tipped his head back and let out a small scoff. Another burst of white lightening lit up the sky.

 

‘A part of me would let it all burn, the whole world turn to ash to be with you Alexander.’ Magnus said, turning away.

 

‘Magnus I…’ Alec reached out but his hand fell away, not sure if he was allowed to touch Magnus.

 

‘The truth is, it’s not about choosing you or the Downworld…it’s about me…’ Magnus said softly. ‘My true self.’

 

Alec couldn’t take anymore, he reached for Magnus’s arm, ‘Magnus I love you…all of you.’

 

Magnus shrugged his arm free, ‘Alec you don’t know all of me.’

 

‘Yes I do!’ Alec yelled back. ‘I know who you are…where you come from…your father…’

 

Thunder exploded above them as Magnus turned back, staring at Alec with a dark look as the Shadowhunter stood chest heaving staring at him desperately. Suddenly Magnus felt a wave of betrayal rush over him as it appeared Alec had broken another promise. As if he read Magnus’s mind Alec answered.

 

‘I didn’t read your file…I swore to you I would never…’ Alec took a deep breath. ‘My mother…she said she wanted me to know, to protect me…said I’d be in danger…’

 

Those two words were enough to refocus the target of Magnus’s betrayal and rage; of course Maryse would have revelled in telling Alec the truth of Magnus’s dark parentage.

 

‘Of course.’ Magnus muttered.

 

‘And I told her it didn’t matter. None of it matters Magnus.’ Alec said firmly. ‘I know I should have told you but I wanted you tell me when you were ready…I’m sorry I…’

 

Magnus waved his hand silencing Alec; he could take no more apologies. ‘No, I should have told you Alec, but I was a coward.’ Magnus paused. ‘Your mother was right though. There is so much you don’t know about me…Warlocks, the Downworld, our laws, our ways…’

 

It was true due to centuries of distrust and persecution the Downworld hid so much of their society from Shadowhunters. The Clave had deduced some truths over time but so much of their hierarchies and true powers remained a mystery, Alec knew it was one of the reasons the Clave feared Downworlders, particularly Warlocks so much.

 

‘We may not have the Clave to pass sentence or City of Bones to punish those who have wronged us but believe me Alec we seek vengeance and retribution just as fiercely, claiming in blood and suffering…sometimes I forget how much danger you are in when you’re around me.’ Magnus said so softly Alec wasn’t sure if he was talking to him or merely thinking out-loud.

 

Alec moved closer, ‘Magnus I’m only safe when I’m with you. You…you saved me…before you I…’

 

Magnus shook his head, ‘Alec I…’

 

‘No Magnus listen to me.’ Alec said firmly. ‘I might not have lived for as long as you or seen what you have seen and I might not know what dangers are out there but I sure as hell know you. It doesn’t matter who your father was or what the Downworld expects of you. I know _you_ Magnus Bane…

 

Magnus sighed, ‘Alec you don’t know, not really.’

 

‘Because you won’t let me!’ Alec yelled. ‘You give me pieces, snippets…what you think I can handle. You keep saying I’m young and naive and maybe that’s true but you’re afraid Magnus, afraid to let me in.’

 

‘I’ve shared more of myself with you than anyone Alec.’ Magnus spat back against the pounding of the rain.

 

Alec’s face twisted, a dark, almost triumphant grin on his face, as if Magnus had said exactly what he wanted to hear. ‘And that’s what scares you!’

 

Magnus said nothing; Alec had broken him, the fears he’d hidden inside for so long were finally pouring out. He could feel tears threatening to spill free.

 

‘I know you feel what I feel.’ Alec said moving closer to Magnus once more.

 

Magnus almost laughed at the irony of Alec saying his own words back to him, a twisted sort of de-ja vu from the night before. Alec twisted Magnus’s body to face him, they could both feel it, the intense wave of emotions pulsating between them; hurt, anger, lust, desire, love. Lightening crackled in the sky outside but they could feel it as if it were in the room between them.

 

‘You said you’ve been fighting for us from the start, fighting everyone, fighting me. Do you wanna stop? Do you wanna accept the truth and fight together…’ Alec yelled, before he said with a certainty that made Magnus’s heart break. ‘We are meant to be together Magnus.’

 

‘Alec…I don’t…’ Magnus began.

 

‘I can’t not love you.’ Alec said, his voice was still so hard and angry the power of his words practically vibrated between them.

 

Alec closed the distance that separated them, his huge body calling out to Magnus’s. ‘It doesn’t matter who we were before, Shadowhunter…Warlock…none of it matters…’

 

Chest heaving, body still pulsating with desire, anger, fear Alec slowly reached out and cupped Magnus’s face. Slowly Alec lowered his forehead against Magnus’s.

 

‘From the moment we met…I’ve belonged to you…’ Alec’s breath was hot on his lips. ‘…and you’ve belonged to me.’

 

Magnus said nothing for a moment then gave the slightest nod of his head, giving in, accepting what he has known in his heart since that very moment all those months ago. Rain continued to hammer down on the roof, pounding louder and louder as though in rhythm with Magnus’s heart.

 

‘I belong to you…’ Magnus murmured voice low and husky, more a croak.  

 

The fear and pain Magnus felt was not gone, he knew it would always be there but he also knew nothing compared to what he felt for Alec. Alec was right, Magnus couldn’t fight no more, though he knew their future was uncertain and there would likely be pain and suffering ahead he also knew it was his fate. Alec was his fate, his doom, his salvation, his everything.

 

Alec’s felt Magnus move, closing the last gap between them and kiss him. His moves are soft at first, Magnus pressing his lips to Alec just for a moment before breaking away.

 

‘You belong to me.’ Magnus repeated voice hot against Alec’s skin.

 

Alec’s breath hitched in his throat as Magnus kissed him again, this time hard and rough, teeth biting at Alec’s lip as Magnus’s hands gripped hard at Alec’s dark hair tilting his head up to slot their mouths together. Suddenly the pounding of the rain and roar of the thundering storm faded away, all either could hear was the sound of the other’s thundering between them.

 

Magnus’s movements were rough and hard, so different to how they had come together the night before and Alec only wanted more. Alec moaned against the Warlock’s mouth, Magnus kissing him like this is both the first and last time he would be allowed to, desperate to taste every part of him. Alec kissed him back, just as wild and desperate, hands pawed at Magnus’s back, drawing him even closer, feeling his hard frame against his body. 

 

Suddenly they were moving, Magnus guiding their tangled bodies backwards not sure in what, if any direction really. They stumbled across the room, despite the huge open loft around them Alec felt a sort of delicious claustrophobic feeling overtaking him as Magnus’s body caged him so completely. It always felt so good to be in his arms like this, safe and dangerous both at once, home and the unknown all wrapped up in one person.

 

Alec’s back connected sharply with the lavish table and Magnus bit his lip hard before moving his tongue across Alec’s jaw, scarping against the scratch of two-day stubble there. The ache between them is palpable; Magnus is like a man possessed, desperate to take Alec over completely. Magnus reached out shoving aside the magnificent food and drinks set on the table, all falling to the floor in a crashing break of glass and china before pushing Alec hard back on the table.

 

Alec reached up and pulled Magnus down upon him instantly the Warlock takes Alec’s right leg hiking it around him as he grinds against him. Alec groaned, dragging Magnus lips back to his, running his hands through the Warlocks perfectly styled locks, tugging and grasping at the black strands. Magnus mewled against him, tongue delving eagerly inside Alec’s mouth, kissing and bucking against him like a horny teenager.

 

In a hurried and wild series of moves jackets and shirts are quickly tugged and ripped away, shoes kicked off into unknown destinations, thankfully missing the many burning candles that surround them until they are heaving against one another bare chested, hearts thundering, pants open hanging loose at their hips following wild hands tugging them open.

 

Magnus kissed Alec hard on the mouth before grunting, ‘Turn around.’

 

Magnus pulled back slightly and Alec responds instantly, twisting his body, shrugging his pants to the floor as he bends forward and stands bare to Magnus. Magnus ran his hand across the base of Alec’s spine, the Shadowhunter feeling his skin come alive at his touch before Magnus’s moves his hand down, squeezing at Alec’s perfect ass for a moment. Alec mewls lowly when he feels Magnus’s touch move further down, dripping between his cheeks circling a finger around his hole just once before pushing in. Alec’s hips jolt at the movement, a low grunt escaping him as Magnus eases his finger in and out, before quickly adding another in.

 

‘Magnus…’ Alec groaned pushing up on his elbows, his breath coming in rough bursts as Magnus’s works him open.

 

Magnus settled his other hand on Alec’s waist as the Shadowhunter rocked back and forth on his hand, the tight perfect feel around his fingers. Magnus’s lips trail hot wet kisses across the Shadowhunter’s exquisite back, his tongue trailing down his spine, sending sparks of electricity through his entire body until Alec feels his mouth on him, a tongue, hot and wet tracing his entrance. Alec jolts as new deeper pleasure ripples through him, his cries more ragged as Magnus adds a third finger in smoothly, moving alongside Magnus’s most talented tongue. His body bending to the call of his lover’s touch starts to move faster, shoving backwards with every push of Magnus’s fingers.

 

‘Now.’ Alec grunted his voice rougher and more desperate than Magnus has ever heard before.

 

Magnus pulled back and without instruction Alec spreads his legs further apart. Lust, desire, anticipation burning between them, Magnus moves between his legs, lining himself up with Alec’s entrance. Alec turns his head to watch Magnus, biting his lip as Magnus pushes inside, the initial thrust hurts but there is little time to feel pain as Magnus begins to move, intense pleasure coursing through every nerve ending of Alec’s body.

 

Alec felt as though his entire being was melting into Magnus, surrendering to the feel Magnus’s hands rough on his hips and mouth hot at his neck. Magnus doesn’t start slow, thrusting into Alec with deep, hard strokes that have Alec dropping back to his elbows on the table, closing his eyes. They’re loud, louder than they have been before, deep grunts and moans filling the loft, hot slick skin slapping skin, huge hard bodies colliding with each other causing the table to slam against the floor.

 

Alec felt Magnus everywhere, the hot feel of his fingers on Alec’s waist, digging painfully into his skin, the hot heavy taste of Magnus’s lips at the back of his neck; licking, sucking, marking Alec in time with every thrust. He can feel every inch of Magnus moving inside him, more so than any time before, hitting spots of pleasure beyond what Alec can comprehend. Alec can feel his own dick throbbing, he’s so close already, but he needs both his hands to support himself on the table not sure how much longer his body will hold up.

 

Magnus increases the pace, thrusting even harder and more fiercely, Alec can barely keep his hands out to hold his weight up. Finally Alec’s body can take no more, his arms give way and his body falls, resting against the hard wood of the table. Alec feels Magnus move with him, feels the heat of his breath at his neck as the Warlock reaches for Alec’s hand, intertwining with his own as he drives into him harder.

 

‘Aku cinta kamu…’ Magnus moaned roughly above him, gripping even harder at Alec’s hand.

 

Alec doesn’t understand the language but he knows what the words mean. Unable to form any words of his own Alec squeezes Magnus’s hand so tight in response his knuckles turn white, hoping it returns the Warlock’s declaration. Magnus thrusts harder and harder, deep, wild thrusts consuming Alec’s entire being until suddenly it comes, back arching off the table as Alec comes undone, shaking and shuddering in Magnus’s hold.

 

Magnus follows him with a deep long drawn out roar, biting down on Alec’s shoulder hips jutting; hands clenching Alec so hard the Shadowhunter’s skin will be marked for days.

 

Chest still hammering, Magnus pulls himself out slowly, dragging both their numb bodies to the floor, collapsing in a heap away from the destroyed dinner among the hurriedly scattered clothing.

 

They lie naked, Magnus now tucked in Alec’s arms, tangled up in sweat soaked skin, breathing heavily against the sound of the rain, seemingly falling softer outside. Alec grabs what remains of the likely very expensive table cloth and drapes it across them. They know there should most likely be more words now, especially after all that had been said between them tonight but both are far too drained, emotionally and physically. As the sex filled haze of his mind slowly began to clear Alec turned to Magnus, opening his mouth to say something, anything but Magnus stopped him, covering his mouth with his. This kiss is soft, tender, loving, final.

 

Alec pressed their foreheads together, heart still beating loud in his chest and murmured. ‘Sorry I ruined dinner.’

 

Magnus laughed so loud in his ear it almost hurt but Alec didn’t care, suddenly remembering why it’s his favourite sound in the world.

 

‘It’s ok Alexander. I’m quite pleased with how the evening turned out.’ Magnus teased, lips biting down playfully on Alec’s chest. ‘You really are full of surprises aren’t you Shadowhunter.’

 

Alec rolled his eyes and lent his head back against the hard floor, preparing himself for well-earned sleep when he felt Magnus suddenly wriggle free from his arms.

 

‘Speaking of…’ Magnus muttered, standing up and sauntering completely naked towards the bedroom.

 

‘Where are you going?’ Alec called after him, rolling onto his side watching Magnus’s perfect naked form walk away, unsure if he should follow.

 

‘I told you earlier…’ Magnus yelled back. ‘I have a surprise for you.’

 

Alec settled back down with a small sigh, wrapping the makeshift blanket across him, his body was sore and his mind completely exhausted but as always he was curious about what Magnus was up to.

 

Magnus padded back towards him a few moments later with a small black box, wrapped with the most extravagant gold bow. Alec sat up, taking the box, arching a brow in surprise as Magnus sat back beside him, an unusually coy look on his face.

 

‘What’s the occasion?’ Alec asks.

 

‘No occasion.’ Magnus says, then grinned. ‘Though I suppose we could say it’s now the official christening of the table day. There’s a Hallmark card you don’t get to use very often.’

 

Alec rolled his eyes. ‘Magnus!’

 

Magnus chuckled and leant forward, stretching his arms on Alec’s legs. ‘Open it.’

 

His voice is the most endearing mixture of excitement and nervousness that Alec can’t help but suddenly feel the same way. Slowly he pulled the bow back, not wanting to rip the delicate ribbon. He can tell he’s moving too slow for Magnus’s impatient nature and so ripped opened the wrapping paper with less care. Beneath the elegant wrapping is a small velvet box, Alec opens the lid slowly, beaming instantly at what sits inside. His eyes glaze over slightly as he sees the bright coloured charm within, reaching out slowly, his fingers trembling as he picks it up.

 

‘It’s supposed to bring you luck and protection…’ Magnus said softly. ‘Someone very special gave me one once and I’ve carried it with me every day since.’

 

Alec sniffed, his physical and emotional tiredness threatening to let his emotions pour out. He looked to Magnus, staring up at him with a look of pure love. After all they had said tonight the gift felt even more powerful, Alec tightens his grip on the charm in his hand as his other traces down Magnus’s back.

 

‘Thank you.’ He murmured leaning forward kissing Magnus softly.

 

Magnus smiled back, almost shy look in his eyes. ‘There’s a bracelet too, well a band really, no diamonds…’

 

Alec looked down and picks up the black leather band he had not first noticed in the box.

 

‘It’s simple but strong…’ Magnus continued, rambling a little. ‘I know jewellery isn’t exactly part of the go-to Shadowhunter uniform but I thought if Izzy can wear that 90s-esque whip bangle then perhaps…sometimes…if you wanted…’

 

Alec cut him off a kiss, slipping the band and charm onto his wrist at the same time. Alec breaks their kiss, taking Magnus’s hand adorned with his own Omamori in his, the two charms falling beside one another.

 

‘How does it look?’ Alec asked brushing his nose against Magnus’s.

 

‘Not too bad Shadowhunter, not too bad.’ Magnus replied grinning brushing a kiss against Alec’s cheekbone.

 

Alec kissed Magnus once more before pulling him back to him as they settled back into their makeshift bed on the floor. Magnus knew he could magic them to his actual bed or at least some duck-feather pillows under their heads but right now, laying here in a tangled mess of limbs, he’d never been more comfortable in his life.

 

Neither spoke though they were both awake, hands and fingers lazily tracing parts of exposed skin in no perceptible patterns but never wanting to stop touching, not even for a moment. They had no idea how long they lay there together, it was only when the early streams of the golden sunrise started to creep through the loft windows did they realise the storm had passed.

 

Finally as the dawn of the new day broke through Alec spoke.

 

‘Magnus?’ he asked dreamily hands stroking across the Warlocks back.

 

‘Mmm?’ Magnus replied head resting on Alec’s chest as he traced the promise rune on Alec’s stomach.

 

‘What you said earlier, in that language…’ Alec said softly.

 

Magnus looked up, keeping his head on Alec’s chest. ‘It means…’

 

But Alec didn’t let him finish. ‘I love you too.’

 

Magus smiled, slowly pushing his body upwards so they were face to face once more.

 

‘Selalu.’ Magnus whispered before pressing his mouth to Alec’s softly.

 

Alec kissed him back, hands grasping at the Warlock’s neck until the need for air overtook them.

 

‘What does that mean?’ Alec whispered.

 

‘Always.’ Magnus said softly before kissing him once more.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: So here we are the final and slightly extended chapter. Not quite sure how this initial post-2x20 one-shot add one became a 5 chapter angst fest but I just can't seem to help myself...it's the Malec feels. 
> 
> I hope this was some sweet reward for all that angsty back and forth, I don't know why but i have this obsession with writing the emotional heart to hearts i KNOW Malec have behind the scenes but we never get to see on the show. Maybe one day i will just stick to fluff and smut and leave the angst out...
> 
> Thanks to all those who started this story way back when, those who came back after the (way too long) break and those who have just started reading it. All your amazing comments really help keep going when my brain can't seem to function and get the words out.
> 
> The new amazing Malec promo has helped me not only finish this story but remember why i love writing Malec so much. I'v got an idea for a longer fic, a sort-of half-canon post S2/S3 promo-related thing (wow what a good description...) but I'm still figuring it out. Hopefully i will be able to get a few chapters up before the premier. Wish me luck!


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